come

More and more I want to see Him. I want His beauty in my life, His Spirit, His strength. I want to go home. Life – ah that battlefield - we run but are constantly beaten down, we fall, we forget, we fear. We wonder how in this place we are supposed to live? It’s gruesome and our enemies swarm and are so thick it’s hard to imagine how we can survive. Pain. Fear. Screams. It’s dark and the clash and heat of battle, the disgusting smells, the blood, the dirt, the sweat and weariness is thick. There are many fallen. So we begin to slack, begin to doubt, and unbelief in the ability of our Source of strength makes us weak. This weakening of the Pilgrim is noticed by our enemy. They gather the weary into cradles and rock us. Lull us, deaden us. Why all this apathy? Why can’t I feel Him close? Why don’t I trust Him more? Do you ever wonder that? I get frustrated because I notice it in myself. My heart is deadened and I can tell. But then something – a voice or a warning call sounds and startles us. ‘Run, Pilgrim,’ it says. ‘Flee while you can’. So we do. We leave our cradle and run. We fall again and feel the enemy at our heels shooting their fiery darts and when we are at the end of our strength there is something we discover – arms. Breathing. Someone’s shield blocking the fire hurdled towards our body. We are being carried. We close our eyes to the confusion and when we open them again we see that He has led us to a table spread with His own provision in the middle of the screams and smoke, the combat and defeat, the cries of pain, the blood, the torment, agony, the swelling numbers of enemy. He sits with us still holding us in His arms and speaks. He says ‘Peace. Peace, Pilgrim.‘ We show Him our wounds and wonder ‘God how can you love me when I fall again and again? Why don’t you find some strong soldier who will get the job done like you want? My God, I’m disfigured, I sin over and over – I let the enemy lull me asleep, I was in their camp – God why, why, why do you love me?’ But He takes our marred face in His hands and looks us in the eye. Even our scars are beautiful to Him. He opens His hands and shows us His own. ‘For you, my love. For you. Pilgrim, Lift up your eyes. I have raised my standard and from the four corners of the earth I am gathering my people. Look for my armies, look for me. I am coming, Pilgrim. I am coming.’ He hands us our banner and we run. We run for Him. We run knowing that He is getting ready to take us away. We run knowing this cursed place full of the screams and groans of sin is not our home. We run knowing He is coming. Even so, Lord, come quickly.

pen that writes the songs.

No one asks for pain. It's part of life that we accept, being human. And although we take for granted that we'll not escape the number, we are usually taken by surprise when we, like the rest of mankind that's ever breathed, feel that knife in our side. It's that momentary shock, then blood, then healing. But if pain is a part of life, scars are too. They remind us of our mistakes, our victories, our mortality. Like fire, pain has the ability to cripple or turn into gold. The question is, when the knife is in and you're left standing in your own blood, and the wound keeps you from sleeping or eating or feeling anything outside of it - will the pain be your weapon or tool? Will you cut down, hurt others because of it, will you let it bind you? or will you use it and let it make you stronger, better, more able and wise than it found you? Use it. And for every time it hurts, let it remind you to be more of a servant, to be more thoughtful of others and more aware that every person you meet has pain of their own. People have died by fire. But they've also lived because of it. Sometimes God asks us to walk through it, but He does so knowing we'll be more like Him, more in love with Him, more willing to trust Him. Somehow He makes our pain beautiful in His time. Makes us know Him better. and if that is not the ultimate goal in living, what is?

april showers

Some thoughts and verses that have stood out to me lately.

'Because Thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of Thy wings will I rejoice.'-ps. 63.7

'Through God we shall do valiantly...'

' I will praise Thy name; for Thou hast done wonderful things...'

' don't be afraid. don't be afraid of circumstances. relax a little and enjoy Christ.' - z.g.

'God's nature is merciful...'

'God is not impressed with any of us. He is impressed with His only Son.'

'O God, Thou art my help and my deliverer: O Lord, make no tarrying.'

'in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.'


There is purpose in life that's bigger than any of our own. There's a plan for life and it's broader in every direction than any we could have planned for ourselves because the one God has planned actually accomplishes something. It brings Him glory. He doesn't need my help in anything and knows exactly what He's doing. His will is FOR US. He doesn't leave us to our own confusion, He is right there with us, helping us to grow even when it seems we cannot finish the job He's given us to do. He holds our hand and when we stumble under the load He gently carries us. He is so rich, we don't know our wealth, our inheritance. He allows us to be the fullest potential of ourselves in HIM. And His love? it never changes. It is secure and the reality He provides us with is not that of a dreamworld - it's real and it's lasting. Nothing we pour out for God - no pain, no effort, no loss is ever wasted, but it is laid up in heaven as treasure. 'The times we see God the clearest are when we're stripped of the rest of ourselves.' He's beautiful. More and more He's beautiful to me. I can't wait until heaven.

I'm so thankful for my family. We're weird and [some of us] are impatient and behind the times. We forget to tell important messages, we run stop signs and our cell phones go off in the really awkward places like church and weddings and funerals. We get tunnel vision, procrastinate and sometimes we yell over the phone which is very rude and I know because once I got a spanking for it. But we love each other. And we have a blast being together and even though we might have been thrown into the wrong time era, I'm glad we all got thrown into the mix together, cause they're awesome.





















just for the record, i love these people.

baby jack

His ways are higher than our ways. His plans reach further in every direction than the ones of our own. He does His will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth and none can stay His hand or say unto Him, 'what doest Thou?'.
In our lives, we'll have blows that strip us of our pride, our plans, our dreams. They will knock us off our feet so that we once again find ourselves at those of Jesus. These things are hard and painful and we don't always understand them but they help us realize a few things. They help us realize just how big God is. How merciful He is. How good His will is for us and how safe it is to trust Him. How is it that He can take our pain and make it beautiful? And yet, He does. He knows how to give beauty for ashes. When our hearts are torn and bleeding, He binds them. When we have no strength to stand, He carries us. He is so patient and good and all the pain He ever allows us to go through is for our good and so that we can know Him better. He changes us, makes us more like Him. I think we've all been changed this week. I know God was working in the life and death of Jackson Taylor and we have already seen and felt His Spirit move. 'There is no virtue in suffering alone. But suffering on His behalf - there is virtue in that suffering.' I have been amazed at God this week. Amazed at His beauty. Amazed at His kindness. Amazed at how sweet He is when He helps His children through pain. Amazed at His power. And I am amazed that He loves me. It's hard to fathom and yet He does. Thank you God, for baby Jack. Thank you for being present and for holding your people when they suffer. Thank you, God for all you do and for giving your only Son for a people who hated you and spit on Him and despised Him. Thank you, God. Thank you, thank you. Thank you that baby Jack is with you, safe in your arms.
'Blessed are ye that weep now, for ye shall laugh.'
'Trust ye in the Lord forever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is everlasting strength.'








































'Because Thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of Thy wings will I rejoice.'

sneezes bless me

Sometime between the time I wrote last and now, the first day of spring happened and when it decided to come it brought pollen. Heaps and heaps. Is it like this every year? This much? This yellow??? I think I ask that every year.
But even with pollen and sneezing and nose blowing and ear popping, March has had bright points. One was that I found an old photo I'd lost. Another is the fact that I got to spend four days in Alabama for spring break. It wasn't really my spring break because I have spring break all year long now. But it was Graham and Whitney's, so we had coffee and adventures and got stranded and rode with strangers on their pontoon boat for an hour. We had Saint Patty's Day in Adamsville and I tried to find a four leaf clover to give Graham because he was sick. I thought it might help him. In the end, I couldn't even find a three leaf clover so I settled for a raggy looking weed and gave that to him instead. Also on Saint Patty's Day we had king cake which, I discovered tastes like goo and doughnuts. Oh! Another spring breakism of the season. Nertz. Have you ever played Nertz? It will fray your nerves the first couple of rounds and tire your brain and make you feel dizzy and just when you think you're getting the hang of it, it will be time to quit. So then you'll be haunted by the ghost of Nertz who will follow you and give you the most irresistible urge to play it, until you finally give in and go through the whole process again. WHO INVENTED NERTZ? I think I would love and abhor them. So that was the spring break of my march. It was amazing. So was the bar.b.que salad Graham bought for all of us at Greentop on Saturday. And P.F. Chang's. Ah. That was beyond good or scrumptious and then there's the whole atmosphere rating and that you have to factor in that scored high. Not as high as the food though. Oh man. That was good food. Our waiter had tattoos and muscles and could talk fast. Really fast. I felt like we needed to rewind and play in slow motion every time he came and left. He told us lots of cool stuff from his life, like being in the marines and his girlfriends and how much money he made. Which was a lot. While we were there, Caleb texted Graham and asked him to figure out how many thousand hockey pucks could fit in the bed of a certain truck so he worked it out in his mind and on his droid. Now, I don't know if we ever figured out why Caleb needed to know that but he did, for some reason. Happy March.



yes. a good looking boyfriend.




i include this because it is a classic. never fails. whenever we get pictures together almost half of them turn out being out of focus. i've grown somewhat attached to the look.





Even though Graham was sick, he still managed to function somewhat normally. This included messing up my hair.


Why do boys do that?

I should have brought my rain boots

Chris has hens. Eleven of them. He calls them "the girls" and has one of the nicest chicken houses in all of Newton County. I'm pretty sure it would be considered by the girls or any other chicken for that matter, to be a five star residence. I would like to announce that they laid eight eggs today. Bravo, ladies. And while they were laying eggs, Chris and I were playing Pirates On the Ship. His house, Hebron, was our ship and he being captain and chief pirate instructed the crew on how to shoot a semi - automatic pistol. It was tiny and had a laser and he said it could burn the back of your eye. It is so drippy and wet and I like it. Nothing cheers me so well as an occasional thunder storm and rainy day.

once upon a woodsie ambsle

Here's a story for you.
Once upon a time there was a girl whose Daddy liked jungles and exploring. So he got a job doing just that. He and his daughter were as tight as jews and liked to eat ice cream cones together, so they had a bond like no one you've ever known. One day, however, the dad left on an exploration and didn't come back, so his daughter, being as spunky and courageous as she was, hired a guide to help her find her father. Now, the guide was strong, handsome and champion of his rugby team, but he didn't much like the girl and the girl didn't much like him. She found him stuck up and insensitive (mainly because he didn't let her change her shoes as many times as she thought necessary) and he found her sissy and ridiculous (because he cooked fried python and she didn't cotton to it, saying she'd much prefer a cold chicken salad from home).
As you may imagine, throughout the journey there were a few more cutting remarks than necessary, a few hot tears that dropped from a certain lass' cheek and a few more cold glares than civil people would have understood.
But one day the guide, being as strong as he was, kept a giant tree from crushing the daughter, and after that she never could hold a grudge against him for quite as long and before they knew it, they were both examining lizards, catching pet monkeys and discussing all manner odd subjects. In the end, there were not so many cold glares, complaints or cutting remarks and there was a great deal more laughter and fried python. This made traveling much easier and when her was father recovered, the journey over, and all were back home safely, the father and daughter invited the guide to the house and long into the evenings they all swung from jungle swings in the Father's study and carved bamboo pipes. And when they played together such music was never heard before then or since then to this day, THE END.