uh …..m. help..plerse.

Today is one of those days, you know?  The kind where I just shake my head.  It's the kind where everything meshes into one HUGANTIC MESS… and I realize that::

* the outfit i'm wearing is dreadfully nineties, and dawn is horrified and i am too, but she can't know that, so i pretend i love it, and we go to the store.
*my hair is dying and i need to get a hair cut, but there's something about those straggly ends that won't let me let go of them without weeping and gnashing of teeth.
* i have no idea how computers work
* i have no idea how to work my editing software
* i have no idea how to use my external hard drive and i have thousands…thousands of unorganized, mixed up photos on there…NOT IN FOLDERS!!!! 
* my camera batteries are dying
* all my cf cards are full
* and I HAVE A SHOOT TONIGHT!!!!!

I feel like I should go on a walk or work out, but then I think of all this unorganized digital life-work of mine, floating between the balances of LIFE AND DEATH  and then I can't get away!!!!!  I don't know why external hard drives being unorganized gives me such a go' round in the head, but it's as if my whole life is cluttered and crazy when that thing is not right.

All of the thoughts running through my head are in bold italics and in a word, I want to be a cave woman.  No more digital files. Just me and my lion skin and rock paint.  I would paint my whole cave with rock paint canvases.

But then, I think about the pros. And the pros about this day are that
*Dawn finally got her chiropractic adjustment after three days of waiting, plus she and I got Häagan Dazs ice cream for half price {which, I'll have you know she paid for because she's just an awesome student and sister and wanted to get me a "Teacher Treat" yes. yes, she is wonderful.}.
* I got a haircut {for less than $15!!!! and noone even noticed.  {It's the best I could hope for…you know how I feel about hair cuts…and if you don't, then you would if you spent any time around me at all.}
* Got to come home to Anna Grace who never fails to make me laugh
* Daddy's burning in the garden. Always a plus, but especially in the fall.
* Patti LuPone sings 'I Dreamed a Dream' like nothing else, so I've played it over and over, because it fits the morbid mood.
*There is a finish line to this day. And to this mess and I'm closer to it now than I was two hours ago.
* I have an amazing Daddy who shops like a pro and who makes killa-shrimp and who is making it tonight.
*It's almost the full moon.  {yesh!!!!}
* When I got home I found some very happy photos from Sunday::
*REally I don't have ANYTHING to complain about because I have a superb life, am very blessed and LOVE what I do!!! I love that Mama has made our home so full of life and joy and love and creativity and free thought and that our church loves being together so much we wait around forever before we go home, and that my brothers talk to me on the phone for hours, and take me on walks make me laugh because they're so sweet, and love me so much and …….really…I have it grand after all.  Amen.

The End.

p.s.

some photos from last weekend::

abe and drew sang "precious memories" to back up the hour long discussion they'd had the night before lauding its excellence. we had a handshake afterwards, everyone hugging each other's necks, saying, 'good to see you brother so-and-so…glad you could be here sister such-and-such'.

of madness and brumly.

In our family we firmly believe in butter, double dipping, and prefacing any story with topics, side stories, tidbits of information and observations, regrets and insecurities - relevant, or irrelevant - as long as it adds a little more spice, background, understanding or laughter to the subject. This last habit of heavily prefacing any story, fact or message was pointed out to us today at breakfast among eggs and buttermilk biscuits, coffee and fresh peach jams.  Unfortunately Daddy had just put some biscuit and jam in his mouth when Abraham began this observation and Daddy had to keep it there for the rest of the five or so minutes that Abe was talking because Daddy never stopped laughing long enough to swallow.
  "It's occurred to me," Abe began, "that it must be a family trait for us to heavily introduce any given subject. We can't just say 'Hey guess what?  Today I got hit by a car at 70 miles per hour!' We'd have to start, 'Well, I got up at five o'clock this morning, and if I hadn't been up at all hours last night, I probably wouldn't have had such a hard time waking up. But really I only drank one cup of coffee, when I should have drunk two - I promise I only drank one - and I started driving my way to work.  I decided about a week ago that I should be keeping up with some more people, so on the way to work I thought I should call so-and-so but while I was doing that the cd needed to be changed, so as I was trying to fix it, I suddenly looked up - and, you know how you have those moments of thinking to yourself right before something happens - I looked up and saw that truck coming towards me and I thought - well, I knew he must be going about 70 miles per hour and I thought - ….uh oh….'

 There are some times you must hold your own hand or your stomach or your knees or some other object because you're simply too tense and limp with laughter to do anything else. It was one of those times this morning because that hit us all square in the chest and realizing that if we ever did have to give a yes or no question it'd be like pulling nails.  That, plus the fact that poor daddy is about the only practical, yes or no person among us and that he's been in the clutch of people who will drag out a topic for however long it takes for them to examine every angle, savor every new glimpse of an old scene, turn over the same words, phrases, predicaments over and over, to where he is dazed in the repetitive grind and can no longer function, but was long lost in the maze of crossfires of winding thoughts and narratives.

   It's good to know these things about one's family, oneself.  I believe it aids in coping - in a small degree - to society and the world at large in recognizing them.

Mama made apple pie. I'm going to make another soon. Very.